The genie is out of the bottle—Part 2
How can we remake our relationship with technology?
While dining at our favorite restaurant last week, my husband and I were regaled with a story from Jan, one of its long-time managers. She had just interviewed a young woman applying for the job of hostess, and she was totally flummoxed.
“I don’t get it,” Jan said. “The job is to greet people at the door, and she ends the interview by telling me, ‘There’s just one thing. I won’t say “hi” to people. It makes me uncomfortable unless I’m on my phone.’”
Huh?
Meanwhile, at the table next to us, all three diners were looking at their phones.
The genie is definitely out of the bottle.
My husband and I are acutely aware of the problem. Yet I notice how we too reach for our phones or our computers, whenever we’re feeling anywhere from slightly unsettled to anxious.
Worried about all that work to do? “Hmmm, maybe I’ll check my email and see if I’ve gotten a friendly email, or a compliment, or some unexpected good news.” Same goes for checking social media or the news. Our brains cry out, “Maybe, just maybe, I’ll see something to alleviate this drumbeat of anxiety.”
It’s like playing the lottery. The urge to play is almost irresistible and the infrequency of winning only intensifies the urge, even while it increases the anxiety we want it to reduce.
As one subscriber observed, we are trapped in a vicious cycle: we feel anxious, we grab our phones or some other device, we feel overwhelmed by all the incoming (most of it negative), we feel even more unsettled and anxious, and we spend even more time on our devices, ad infinitum.
Since we can’t put the genie back in the bottle, what do we do now? I have three wishes—not for the genie but for all of us. If we succeed in fulfilling them, we’ll still have technology, but it won’t have us, at least not quite as much.
Wish #1: We check on our friends and family more and our texts, email, social media, and news less.
It’s rare these days to spontaneously pick up the phone and call someone. Sure, we may text, but call? Not so much. I can’t count the number of times I get a text from someone asking if they can call me instead of just calling me. Since I don’t receive text notifications, we end up missing each other, a lot.
Unless you’re an emergency room doctor, most of us can get away without text notifications. And unless you’re in a 24/7 leadership position or the equivalent, most of us can get away with checking email in the morning and/or the evening and limiting the amount of time we spend on it. Same goes for checking the news or social media throughout the day. Most of us don’t have jobs that require it.
That means any of us could, at least theoretically, redirect these largely anxiety-driven behaviors. We could call a friend, or go for a walk, or take a few deep breaths. But most of those who left comments on Part 1 doubt whether, in reality, we ever would.
One subscriber thinks it would take a pretty fundamental shift “to see human-to-human connection as more important than ‘likes’ on social media.” Another points out that “humans have never been super successful at overcoming addictions.” And yet another wrote, “From what I have seen since returning to the Boston area from the desert, the grip of technology is unstoppable.”
The consensus is: Now that the genie is out of the bottle, he’s roaming around the streets of our minds unchecked like Godzilla in a Japanese horror flick, wreaking havoc wherever he goes.
But what if we engage in a multi-front effort to remake our relationship with this power we’ve unleashed? What if, in addition to shifting individual attitudes and behaviors, we worked together to shift cultural norms, as referenced in Part 1? And what if we also worked together to bring the laws governing technology into the 21st century, as illustrated below? Perhaps this working together, by itself, might shift the balance of power between us and technology.
Wish #2: We work together to pass laws that harness the potential of technology while mitigating its harm.
According to my husband Bruce Patton, co-founder of the Rebuild Congress Initiative (RCI), Congress will be taking up a number of technology bills this year. Although each one has broad bipartisan support, every single one of them is up against tech companies lobbying hard against them. To get any of them passed, we will need to call or write our representatives, explaining why the legislation is important and asking them to support it. Here’s a list of the most important ones to support:
The Kids Online Safety Act (KOSA). This bill was unanimously approved last July by the Senate Commerce Committee and now awaiting a full Senate vote. Already endorsed by Microsoft, Snapchat, and the CEO of X, KOSA establishes a duty of care for online platforms, so they don’t feed mental health disorders; addiction-like behaviors; physical violence, bullying, harassment; sexual exploitation and abuse; and a whole host of other harms.
The Platform Accountability and Transparency Act (PATA). This bill requires tech companies to give researchers access to their algorithms’ results, so they can discover, document, and understand potential harms. Without this transparency, only whistle blowers like Frances Haugen can provide evidence of harm. In a busy legislative season, bills like PATA can get lost, so it needs our support to stay in play.
The American Data Privacy and Protection Act(ADPPA) would regulate what companies can do with users’ and consumers’ data. Despite the House Committee on Energy and Commerce voting in favor of the bill 53-2 in July 2022, it was opposed by much of the California delegation under California Speakers Kevin McCarthy (R-CA 20) and Nancy Pelosi (D-CA 11) and was never brought to a vote on the floor. Since the current Speaker of the House is not from California, our support has a better chance of moving it forward.
At the state level, promising legislation is also under consideration at the state level where there is an active effort to pass bills mandating Age Appropriate Design Codes for online platforms accessible to minors. The thrust of these bills is similar to KOPA, but more specific, calling for platforms to be designed with their impact on kids in mind. Maryland has already passed legislation; Minnesota and Vermont are actively considering it; and in six other states so far, it has been introduced.
Believe it or not, other innovations—many of them at the local level—are bubbling up organically, many of them aimed at promoting the prosocial impact of online technologies.
Imagine, for example, algorithms designed to get you thinking rather than outraged by presenting factual information that deepened and complexified your understanding of a topic.
Or consider Front Porch Forum, a local application to which over 80% of Vermont households subscribe. This forum is designed to encourage lively discussions of local issues in a way that mitigates rather than enhances polarization. The forum enforces norms of respect and civility through volunteer moderator-coaches, who vet posts and help frame issues constructively.
Or check out the online forums on public issues in Taiwan. They invite those complaining about an issue to join the discussion on how to solve or improve it. Rather than inflame outrage, these forums promote community connection, better ideas, and more trust in government.
These efforts represent only a small slice of what might be possible if we explored how different technologies might work for us and then banded together to make it happen. One subscriber put it this way: “The world of technology is here to stay and has a lot of beauty for the advancements it affords us. At the same time, the impact on mental and social health is real for all of us, especially our children. What does it look like to pull forward the best of it without letting it consume our hearts and minds?”
Wish #3: We raise our game; we partner with our kids, teaching them the paths to happiness and the obstacles they will face along the way.
One subscriber describes how her approach to technology had fundamentally changed. “As the parent of a middle schooler, I'm right at the moment where most kids get smartphones, and fear of all that's written in this article and more has kept me holding the line on -- no phone --. Then my son's former principal gave me some hard-hitting advice.” Paraphrasing what he told her, she writes:
“You can keep him from them, let him be singled out as the only kid without one, and watch him use all his resources to get access anyways. OR, you could get him a phone and make it a partnership. Teach him, slowly and intentionally, what each aspect of this technology is, what it can do, what the research shows, how it can hurt you and others, how it can help... and you can normalize that he will make mistakes, fall victim to advertising and algorithms, feel the urge for likes, believe fake news and so on. Make it safe for him to learn this world and ask you questions. When he gets older, and kids are using AI to write papers and take notes, make sure he experiences the value of his brain doing that himself. Rather than tell him what's bad, show him what's good.”
“That's just about the best parenting advice I've ever gotten,” she says. “So yes, I’m existentially terrified over here, but there's some solace in knowing that some huge part of the answer is loving the heck out of our kids, and raising our own game (we, the generation that created this mess) by teaching them the paths to happiness and the obstacles we know they will face on the way.”
So maybe that’s it. Maybe if we raise our own game and maybe if we band together to shift norms and laws, we might be able to cut Godzilla down to human size, change the balance of power, and remake our relationship with him.
Notes
Subscriber comments are lightly edited for clarity and brevity.
The second photo is from Tim Martin’s article, “Godzilla: the incendiary – and very serious – history of Japan's original King of the Monsters.” The Telegraph, 29 May 2019. https://rb.gy/06vkhj